Throughout our journey to conceive our little one I read many stories of women 'just knowing' they were pregnant or just having a 'great feeling about a particular cycle' and in response to such stories my internal dialogue usually went something like this: "What a load of BS... F^%$ off"... I definitely had a lot of anger brewing inside me... The last couple of days though I have been thinking a lot about 'women's' intuition or more specifically, my mumma-tuition... Certain things have happened that really do provide proof to the pudding (so to speak) lately.
I can vouch for that feeling of 'just knowing' I was pregnant before I even took a test and boy, did I have a good feeling about this cycle. I suppose the first incident that really grabbed me and acted as a signal to say: this month is different, chill out! was Mother's Day in May. The lead-up to this day was particularly hard for me... I felt that I was robbed of this day of celebration and just the year before I was pregnant; my jeans got tighter that day and I had seen my baby on ultrasound, alive and well, just two days prior. My family do not know about our loss so I was struggling to find it in my heart to spend this day with them. In the end though I decided that spending such a day with the people I love was worth more to me than sitting at home crying (I have spent months of my life doing so!). Anyway, on with the story...
We had made plans for breakfast in a cosy café by the beach which meant an early start and an hour of driving for me by myself. From the second I got into the car I saw signs all around me... I saw our obstetrician on her morning run (switching doctors for this pregnancy but that is another post!) which always makes me think of our lost baby and with that on my mind, I saw rainbows! Great, big, wonderful freaking rainbows! across the sky for my entire drive down the coast. I felt like the morning was electric and the universe was finally behind me in my quest. I know it sounds a little silly, but for me it was the equivalent of a reassuring hand on my shoulder. There were other little things that happened in May also... A lost Christmas card showed up in the mail from a co-worker expressing her well-wishes for a much better 2013, the mention of rainbows all the time... little things that spoke to me.
As for more intuitive feelings... I have a strong mumma sense that we are having a girl this time. I suppose I have a 50/50 chance either way so we'll see in good time! I also have a really good feeling about this pregnancy and I'm choosing to trust in that rather than worry.
I'm curious, have you experienced these sorts of feelings before? What did your mumma-tuition tell you?